Humiliation Play? Imagine this. You’re on a leash, on the floor, and being called all manner of names. Your lover presses a high-heeled shoe to your cheek and demands you kiss their foot. You do it. 

They get out the paddle and spank you. They spit in your face. You put up with it. You’ve never felt more turned on in your life. What is going on?

Being humiliated in non-sexual situations is a major source of anxiety for many people, as many despise being made to feel tiny or embarrassed.

In sex, though, humiliation play often feels the contrary. BDSM is frequently a safe place to work through and play with your deepest fears and worries. 

It’s a chance to reclaim some control in a world that can feel out of control. When you engage in BDSM, you get pleasure from words or activities that elicit embarrassment, shame, or humiliation.

You get turned on when you’re called certain names that you wouldn’t find comfortable outside the bedroom. You also do things that heighten sensation in a sexual context.

Humiliation (play) in BDSM

Incorporating humiliation into your sex is known as humiliation play. It is a form of consensual humiliation that can be physical, verbal, and emotional.

Humiliation play is common in submissive/dominant relationships and falls under the BDSM umbrella of sadomasochism.

The power play in erotic humiliation is focused on degradation. The Dom humiliates the sub safely and agreeably. 

In most cases, humiliation play takes place in the bedroom during sex, but sex does not have to be incorporated. You can crawl on your hands and knees with something in your mouth [and] bring it to your Dom while she talks down to you.

humliation play

Here you can read a story I’ve written about the pleasure from humiliation.

Why do people crave humiliation during sex?

It turns them on

As mentioned above, some people love being humiliated as it turns them on. If you are one of these people, there is nothing wrong with exploring your kink. 

You give up control

Giving complete control to a Dom is an important component of being immersed in the power play.

Often, shame and humiliation play is a way to let go of control when life calls for something else. This is why CEOs and other powerful people may love being called unworthy and made to walk around at night like a dog on a leash. Experimenting in the shadow of an experienced professional and someone you trust is relaxing, it’s against the rules and hot.

It builds intimacy

Strangely, being embarrassed during sex can be a way to get closer to your partner. When you’re embarrassed, you’re open to being hurt. 

Playing in such a highly emotional way shows a lot of trust in the friendship, which is bound to bring you together. 

It enhances pleasure

Evidence suggests that participation in BDSM induces a state of consciousness known as subspace. People describe it as a floaty, high state experienced by submissives and receivers during and after the humiliation play.

Using restraints can also cause a sense of sensory deprivation. This may raise a person’s enthusiasm and the experience of the other senses, which can heighten pleasure.

It improves sexual and mental health.

A study done in 2019 found that people who practice BDSM have fewer sexual problems than people in general. Also, a 2015 study found that men who do BDSM have less stress regarding sexual health than men who don’t do BDSM.

A preliminary study from 2016 says that consenting to BDSM can make people feel less anxious. Another study says that subspace can cause the receiving partner to feel less physically and emotionally stressed.

Safety and consent are key to safe play.

As with all sexual play, safety and consent are the most important parts of playing in a fun and enjoyable way. 

Remember that just because the humiliation play is about degradation doesn’t mean you want to hurt each other. During the play, ensure that you answer with enthusiasm. If it’s not a hell yeah, it’s a hell no.

Everyone’s version of humiliation play is different. For a great time, be explicit about what you want and how you want it so that everyone may play in a safe and enjoyable way.

humliation play

Tips for performing BDSM perfectly

To undertake humiliation and play properly and safely, you need to do several things. These things include: 

Properly prepare for it.

The media’s representation of BDSM is frequently erroneous and, at times, exaggerated. Before engaging in bondage sex at home, consider taking a class, reading books, or watching instructional films online.

For example, if you love feet and don’t mind feet humiliation, you can visit Love Her Feet and see how to play with feet safely. 

Have a safe word

Bondage play is built on trust, security, and mutual agreement. However, things can quickly escalate, and it can be difficult to tell whether the other person is teasing or genuinely requesting that the game be stopped. 

You might think you have to go out of your way to come up with a safe word, but this isn’t true. A safe word is any remark or gesture immediately indicating that sex play must cease. Its role is to keep sexual activity safe, joyful, and consensual.

Understand the restraints

If you will use restraints in your play, don’t go blindly at it. Before utilizing restraint, you must know how to free your partner. 

Before you start the play, have a set of safety shears or handcuff keys handy, especially when attempting more difficult bondage positions.

Even if you have mastered the restraints, take the necessary precautions. Make sure they’re not too tight to prevent normal circulation. You should never employ restraints around the neck, which might lead to asphyxiation.

Remember aftercare

Aftercare is the time following the conclusion of a scene. It’s an opportunity to reset, relax, and reconnect with your mate. 

Aftercare can take many forms, including cuddling, kind words, and rehydration.

During this time, you should reflect on the act and come back to reality because erotic humiliation can be intense and comprise a lot of things you wouldn’t want in real life.

If you are more interested into slave humiliation and humiliation play, you can read more on this article I’ve written.