Thank you to Mz. Kaylee for sharing her point of view and experience about erotic humiliation.


Erotic humiliation can be a lot of fun for both the dominant and submissive in a female led relationship or wife led marriage (FLR/WLM). For the dominate, it is a way to exert power and force the submissive into a deeper submissive state of mind. Humiliation is a form of psychological pain. So Dominants with sadistic tendencies experience sexual pleasure and satisfaction at the psychological pain inflicted upon the submissive.

Erotic humiliation from Mz. Kaylee point of view

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For me, the enjoyment of inflicting humiliation is the opposite. I enjoy seeing the pleasurable reaction that it causes within my husband. It is exciting for me to see his emotional struggle between being embarrassed and being excited. I love that I can order him to put on a pair of sexy panties and as much as he tries to stay calm, he can not help but get an erection. I’ve also come to learn that erotic humiliation play makes him very submissive and extremely aroused. When he is in that state of mind, he is wrapped around my finger and will do anything for me. Even better is that he likes it so much that when it is over, he is still wrapped around my finger because he wants to please me so that I will do it again.

As crazy as it sounds, humiliation creates loyalty to me. That much I understand. What is still perplexing to me is why humiliation has such an appeal to submissive men. There are so many flavors of humiliation that resonate with men. Those include groveling, verbal humiliation, pet play, small penis humiliation, and forced feminization. If you’ve ever done humiliation play then you know that guys go crazy over it. They eat it up like it’s their last meal. The slightest hint of humiliation and their cocks are rock hard.

I’ve done some research to try to understand the “why”. What’s interesting is that I could not find any conclusive reason on why men get excited from erotic humiliation. However, there are a few common theories, which I’ve summarized below:

Childhood Trauma or Sexual Abuse

The logic behind this theory is that humiliation creates a distraction in the mind that allows the person to escape from their normal thinking. This psychological escape allows them to forget about the trauma-related pain they are struggling within their mind and be free to enjoy sexual pleasure. This may be true for some men. But it certainly does not mean that all men who enjoy humiliation were abused as a child. I can vouch that my husband was not abused as a child and he loves humiliation play.

Feelings of Sexual Inadequacy

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This theory is that men who feel inadequate in a certain area, seek to be humiliated in that area. It is a way to confront the inadequacy head-on rather than passively. By taking it head-on, they are free to accept their short-coming and become aroused by it. For example, a guy with a small penis is afraid to be with women for fear of rejection. However, if he takes the attitude that he wants a woman to make fun of his penis, he can turn his weakness into something women enjoy. By accepting the humiliation and being with a woman who gets pleasure from making fun of his penis, he is relieved of the societal pressure to perform. Therefore he can relax and experience arousal from the erotic humiliation.

I can see how this theory applies to my husband. When he was younger he was shy when it came to getting intimate with girls. He never had an issue making friends with girls but he was very shy about making the first move with a girl or asking a girl on a date. I think his desire to be controlled by a woman is a way of taking the pressure off him to decide when to get sexual. He had confessed to me a long time ago that his fantasies as a teenager usually revolved around girls forcing him to be their sex slave and forcing him to kiss them and serve them. In all he fantasies, it was always the women who initiated sex and he was passive.

Freedom From Responsibility

When a man is humiliated he is taken down to such a low level that he does not have to think. He can then transfer himself into a new persona that has no societal responsibilities. This gives him the freedom to do as told without thinking. Therefore he can live in the moment and relish the sexual pleasure he is experiencing. Taking on an alternate persona also allows him to do sexual or kinky things without guilt or without the pressure of having to perform. Since he is following orders and is “in character,” he does not have to feel guilty or ashamed at what he is doing.

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I think this theory also applies to my husband and also applies to submissive men in general. Not just those who want to be humiliated. Creating an alternate persona is a very powerful technique that women can use to dominate and control men and to push their limits. Once your man psychologically drops into that persona, it is his escape to do whatever you command. Mentally he will be more open to do things to meet that persona, that he would not normally do.

For example, when feminizing a man, give him a female name. Train him to be in a female mindset whenever you use that name with him. Other examples include giving him a pet name or a special slave name. I just call my husband ‘slave.’ Whenever I use that term with him, the change in his demeanor is instant. His submission immediately surfaces, his arousal starts to stir, and he is ready to do anything for me without question.

A Learned Behavior

The last theory is that a man learns to be sexually aroused by a humiliating act. In other words, he is trained or conditioned to be aroused by having sexual pleasure associated with a humiliating act. This is the fun part for us dominant women and it is so easy to do! Stroking a man’s cock while humiliating him is the most direct approach for creating this pleasure/humiliation connection. However, there are other fun ways to do it.

Examples include allowing him to see you naked while erotic humiliation occurs, only allowing him to orgasm when he is doing something humiliating, and making him masturbate while being humiliated. Also, do not underestimate the sexual power of your words and body language. If you order your man into panties and bra and you act super excited and aroused at how pretty and sexy he looks, then he is going to get aroused at wearing those items for you.

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Based on my own experience with my husband as well as the many correspondences I have had with men over the years, the above theories seem logical to me. The common element among the theories is that humiliation creates a mental distraction and escape for men. They forget about the every-day stresses and societal pressures to behave a certain way. It creates a free-pass for them to embrace their submission without worrying about consequences. So humiliate away and have fun with it and know that your submissive partner is loving it too!

-Mz Kaylee (from Femdom Think Tank)