How to develop sub’s self-control in an FLR

Inner control (or self-discipline) is one of the top lessons that a sub has to learn, and he has to do it as quickly as possible. Develop sub’s self-control is a must for all submissive if they want to satisfy their dommes.

As human beings, we are alive and we all have human emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and temptations. They are instinctive but, of course, they can be controlled. We are intelligent “machines”, so we can regulate our instincts with a cognitive process. It is not easy, but when you succeed, you deserve to be “promoted” to a higher level.

This can be done in normal life, but also in a Female Led Relationship. Let’s find out more about how to develop sub’s self-control, especially sexual impulses’ control.

When a sub is aroused (and trust me, it’s very likely and easy that he would be), he needs to deeply understand and learn how to control himself, totally.
Totally means regarding anything, from erection to the impulse to lick, kiss, touch or even in terms of gaze.

For instance, with my sub, it happens some times that he disobeys. This happens because I like to wear fetish clothes at home, and I like even more to order him not to look at me while I am dressing that way. He knows he has to keep the head down, but sometimes he is so aroused that the temptation to look at me is too strong. The result is that he breaks the rule, I get angry and I duly punish him.

My job is to train and teach him by clearly telling him what my expectations are. His job is to control himself and just to obey me and trust everything I do or ask him to do.

Self-control is actually one of the core things that differentiate an experienced sub from a novice one.

 

How to develop sub’s self-control in FLR?

1. Establish a ritual
   Together with the domme, the sub can establish a ritual that will help him to improve his self-control. It can be an action that he has to repeat every day, in the morning. For example, a 10-minute meditation, or physical exercise. Something that he has to connect to the fact that he has to control his impulses and emotions. When the sub succeeds, the domme can reward him with a little pleasure.
2. Move energy throughout his body and remove temptations
   This is not easy. The sub has to play hard with his own mind and take control over it. With long and deep breaths, he can expel all the energy cumulated in his body during arousal. Inhale and exhale, several times. The mind will be in peace, and all temptation will be removed and replaced by relaxing thoughts.
3. Be motivated
   The secret is in the sub’s motivation to succeed. If he really wants to control himself, he will be able to do it. Motivation is a strong weapon: the more you want something, the more you are willing to work to obtain the desired result. In other words, motivation is the force that pushes you to take action and obtain what you want.
4. Be self-confident
   If the sub believes in himself and his capacities, he will succeed. But, how can he believe in himself? Well, in this case, the challenge is to have control of impulses, emotions, behaviors and so on. If the sub is really motivated to succeed, he will reach the goal and his self-confidence will increase. The more positive outcome you collect, the higher your self-confidence will be.
5. Practice control
   This is again hard mental work. We are human beings and not robots, we have feelings and emotions. We feel things and sometimes we are not able to control our reactions. Practicing control, the sub will reach the goal to repress his impulses. Repeated practices will enforce his self-control.

Conclusion

These are only a few tips to develop one’s self-control. There are entire studies and books about this topic. But I suggest practicing instead of reading too much theory.

In the end, if your sub is able to control erections, orgasms, the instinct of licking or kissing, it means that he has practically applied one of the above pieces of advice. It is not about a thought, but about action. So, if you are a domme, help and support your sub to get into this mindset. Gaining experience will transform self-control actions into natural behavior. When your sub will be able to have control over his impulses without effort, it means that he is not a novice anymore, on the contrary, he is ready to go to the next level.

 

To read more about how to become a good submissive, read this post of mine.